Don’t Neglect Grief

You are planning a Roanoke, VA funeral service because you have a loved one who has died. You have an idea in your mind about how you and your family want to pay tribute to your loved one through the funeral service and the graveside service. 

You think back to other funerals that you’ve attended, and you pick elements of those that you want to incorporate into the funeral service for your loved one. Through your sadness, you start to speak with the funeral director to explain what you and your family want for your loved one. 

The funeral director explains that what you want is not possible. Although you can have a funeral service and a graveside service, only a few people will actually be able to attend either one. They will explain that this is because of the gathering restrictions that have been put in place because of COVID-19. 

Don’t be surprised if you suddenly feel overwhelmed with grief – about everything. You are steeped in grief every day as you read or hear the gut-wrenching stories about the COVID-19 virus from medical professionals and about those who have died or are dying from it. 

You have the added grief of losing someone you love (perhaps of natural causes or from a long-standing health issue). Now more grief has been laid on top as you realize you will not be able to have the funeral service or the graveside service you want. 

When we’re faced with a mountain of grief, we tend to do one of two things. We either collapse under it and are buried by it or we simply push it all away because it’s too much to bear at one time. 

Pushing grief away may seem to you to be the prudent choice in a time of such staggering grief, but it’s not a healthy way, in the long run, to deal with grief. The reality is that if you don’t deal, in manageable increments, with the grief you’re feeling now, then it will eventually come crashing in on you, magnified and even harder to get a handle on in the future. 

Some people believe that by avoiding grief, they can spare themselves pain. You’re in pain because of grief and you’ll be in pain for a while. You may want to isolate yourself from other people so that they don’t see that pain and you don’t have to think about it. 

You may try to avoid any reminders of your grief. Not only will you shut off anything external that causes grief, but you remove anything associated with your deceased loved one because reminders of them hurt too much. 

You may try to avoid grief by numbing it with alcohol or drugs. This can lead to health problems and possible addiction in the future. 

You may try to avoid grief by putting on an “I’m fine” mask and then throwing yourself into such a state of busyness that you never have any time to yourself and you don’t have to think about what you’ve lost and what you’re sad about. 

If you find yourself neglecting the grief you’re experiencing and engaging in avoidance behaviors, you might want to consider grief support. There are many types of grief support available and your funeral director can give you community options and online resources that you can use to work through your grief in an environment that is comfortable for you. 

For information about planning a Roanoke, VA funeral service and available grief resources, our compassionate and experienced staff at Conner-Bowman Funeral Home & Crematory is here to help.